AVB FIRED? THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD‘NT FEEL SORRY FOR HIM

Oh Andre! I like Andre. He seems interesting and cute and has a
slightly gingery beard. If I was gay and if Andre was gay, I'd date a
man like Andre. He'd treat you right, be gentle and always smell nice.
However, Andre is a football manager, at least as I write, and when
your side gets torn a new one by Liverpool at home, questions are
bound to be asked whether you're any good at the job, or at least good
enough for this particular club.
I have no doubt that Mr V-B is actually rather good but after Porto he
just hasn't quite found the right group of players to respond to his
special kind of wisdom. He's like a great guitarist playing in the
wrong band; it been like putting Alex Lifeson in One Direction - a
complex genius in amongst simpletons.
So it seems more than likely he'll be on his way soon, what with the
new Scouse-administered football bumhole and that. You can't get rid
of all the players, much easier to jettison the manager and his
attractive facial follicles and as much as I like Andre, I won't shed
any tears for his departure because feeling sorry for managers is a
mugs game.
Much fuss and nonsense is made about managers in modern football, fans
leaping too quickly to the defence of their man. Managerial positions
are a short-term gig and there is no consistent evidence to prove that
having the same manager for years works any better than chopping and
changing all the time. David Moyes ten years at Everton achieved less
silverware than Steve McClaren five years at the Boro or Roberto Di
Matteo's few months at Chelsea.
Fans should always remember that the manager doesn't care as much
about the club as you do. He's just an employee, just like a player,
only likely to stay around less long. Remember, he's not your dad. Not
unless you were Nigel Clough or Darren Ferguson or Alex Bruce, anyway.
Managers are, as the cliché goes, always under pressure, but I think
they just have to pretend they are because losing your job in football
is not a bad thing. You get all your money and you don't have to work
for it. Brilliant. Losing your job and not being able to feed
yourself, that's pressure. Not having to sit on a bench in a daft coat
being abused by strangers is a blessed relief, surely? We're invited
to feel sympathy for them or stroke their egos and tell them how hard
done to they have been. That's fine, but Roberto Di Matteo is
reportedly still getting £130,000 a week off Chelsea. 130 grand! That
is a much, much better situation than actually managing Chelsea and
takes absolutely no effort at all. Sympathy? Nah.
The sombre shaking of heads and the usual 'he should have been given
more time' nonsense is utterly misplaced. Poor old Steve Clarke eh,
sitting at home with a big packet of money for not doing his job. Pray
for Clarkey.
I'm sure the Scotsman will be getting the traditional warm words of
ex-pro British pundits who always defend a poor suffering Brit ousted
too soon from a job by a mental chairman. They neatly forget that the
exact same thing was said about Nigel Adkins at Southampton. Skirts
were pulled up in horror as the Englishman was dumped in favour of a
foreigner observers had not heard of and in Paul Merson's case, can
still not pronounce. What madness was this? Turns out Potchettino was
a bit good, much better than his predecessor. Atkins didn't need more
time, he just needed replacing by someone who was better.
The older pundit who has reinvented the past to suit his own bigotries
will tell you that managers 'used to be given more time' but this is a
big exaggeration. Chelsea had seven managers in ten years in the 70s
and 80s. Some clubs have always had a high turnover and if some didn't
it was simply because there was less to lose financially by being a
bit rubbish for a couple of seasons, rather than some greater sense of
loyalty. And as I say, there's no stats to prove the more years your
manager is in place, the more you win, especially if you strip freaky
Fergie out of the mix.
You know what you're getting into as a manager. You know from the get
go that its a short term job, that you will end up being sacked you
also know that for you to get another job someone else will suffer
this same fate. The hand-wringing and faux expressions of outrage at
rash and impulsive chairmen is all utterly misplaced.
I'd rather a chairman got rid of a manager quickly really. Its simply
more fun. If you can have a break from seeing Big Sam talking about
West Ham you'd take that wouldn't you? He's going to get sacked sooner
or later so why not sooner please? Do you really want to hear Alan
Pardew talking about...well, anything? Will you miss Steve Clarke's
wit and wisdom which basically amounted to being sat next to a
depressed man in a flat roofed, windowless pub in Shettleston.
Football loves to puff itself up as though its big and important and
not just a sport. To this end, managers love to talk about
implementing a project as though its a five year plan to reform
agriculture.